The Glad Game – Healing the Inner Critic

“The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious to the rose” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Although, the Oxford dictionary defines “Pollyanna” as an excessively cheerful or optimistic person, I would be hesitant to dismiss a Pollyannaish attitude to be an unrealistic or undesirable quality just because of the use of the word excessive.

It all happened due to my love of revisiting childhood classics to reconnect with and revivify my inner child. I chose Pollyanna as a quick weekend read and as I started reading through it, I found myself extremely critical to the extent of triggering my gag reflex at the over optimistic beginnings of the book. It was so annoying that, I was saying “Yeah right!” super-sarcastically in my head every time Pollyanna showed some hardened and critical adult the positive side of something.

I was someone who perpetually had on a pair of rose tinted glasses all my life until I saw how disastrous it was to colour the reality of situations. That’s when I threw those glasses of naïvety off for good and spent years being the realist seeing the situation as it was and not how I wanted to see it. It was a very deeply moving experience then, to realize how being the realist over the years of growing up, I had become so much like one of the hardened, cynical and critical adults in the story! I thought I was an optimist but hearing my inner critic on full blast after a long time gave me a chance to heal it. I would have never known something hard was even there inside me until I felt it all melt away as I got more engrossed in the story and warmed to the characters. Don’t get me wrong, I still understand how projecting our own vision on something is never a good idea but seeing the bright side of a situation doesn’t have to be an unrealistic projection!

Seeing the wonderful effect of the repetitive optimistic actions of Pollyanna in the book, I thought it would be a good idea to share the crux of the technique with other “grown ups” like me who may have forgotten how to bounce back up when the harsh realities of life get them down.

It’s called the Glad Game. You play it simply by finding something to be glad about no matter what the situation! Yes it’s that simple! Don’t be fooled by it’s simplicity however, it is a very powerful NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) technique which helps you shift your vibrational reality. Remember your thoughts are things and the benefits of having an optimistic attitude have been stated time and again. Also, just because the game is simple doesn’t mean it isn’t challenging!

Picture this, one Christmas, a poor girl hopes to find a doll in the missionary charity barrel but finds only a pair of crutches inside. Can you think of anything to be glad about that? Pollyanna’s father who made the game up on the spot, taught her to look at the brighter side of things—in this case, to be glad about the crutches because “we don’t need ‘em!”

Taking that as a jumping off point, I do hope you will try to play the glad game in your life and share it with your children and loved ones as a fun and simple way to deal with life’s lemons and focus our vision on the good in people, places, situations and even ourselves! Quoting from the book, “When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will.” Also, all those familiar with the Law of Attraction will know that we attract more of what we focus on so play along!

You can find several beautiful examples of how to play “The Glad Game” in the book…

Are you demanding too much from your children?

The relationship between a parent and child is one of the most important relationships in a person’s life, second only to one’s relationship with God in my humble opinion. In fact, the relationship that we develop to God is also somewhat dependent and based on the relationship we’ve had with our parents so I would state yet again that the relationship between a parent and a child is the most important relationship in a person’s life.

It isn’t surprising then, that in my healing practice, I have yet to come across a single client who did not have an unresolved issue with  either their parents or children or both.

A child looks up to his or her parents; his or her sense of self-worth, especially in the early years, is governed by the attitude of the parents towards his or her so called failures or mistakes. Be it lack of confidence, perfectionism, pleasing people, low self-esteem, insecurity, a feeling of not being good enough, dysfunctional relationships, joint pains and fractures due to a sense of rebellion against authority, infertility arising from the fear of having children and many more such issues often find their roots in being criticized, punished or neglected as a child. So I am sharing this piece today on the behalf of all those grown-up children who’ve come to me for Inner-child healing.

As Father’s Day approaches, it is by sheer synchronicity that I came across this brief piece that has touched the heartstrings of many parents and inspired them to change their approach towards criticism of their children.

So without further ado, here goes…

FATHER FORGETS
by W. Livingston Larned

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep,
one little paw crumpled under your cheek
and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead.

I have stolen into your room alone.
Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library,
a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you.
I scolded you as you were dressing for school
because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel.
I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes.
I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things.
You gulped down your food.
You put your elbows on the table.
You spread butter too thick on your bread.

And as you started off to play and I made for my train,
you turned and waved a hand and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!”
and I frowned, and said in reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon.
As I came up the road I spied you,
down on your knees, playing marbles.
There were holes in your stockings.
I humiliated you before your friends
by marching you ahead of me to the house.
Stockings were expensive-
and if you had to buy them you would be more careful!
Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library,
how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes?
When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption,
you hesitated at the door.
“What is it you want?” I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge,
and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me,
and your small arms tightened with an affection that God
had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.
And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands
and a terrible sickening fear came over me.
What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault,
of reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy.
It was not that I did not love you;
it was that I expected too much of youth.
I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character.
The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills.
This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night.
Nothing else matters tonight, son.

I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!
It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things
if I told them to you during your waking hours.
But tomorrow I will be a real daddy!
I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh.
I will bite my tongue when impatient words come.
I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!”

I am afraid I have visualised you as a man.
Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot,
I see that you are still a baby.
Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder.
I have asked too much, too much, yet given too little of myself.
Promise me, as I teach you to have the manners of a man,
that you will remind me how to have the loving spirit of a child.

***

In continuity… I also found this response on a forum that expresses the sentiment I am looking to inspire so beautifully…

Blessed are those parents who make their peace with spilled milk and mud,
for of such is the kingdom of childhood.

Blessed are those parents who refuse to compare their children with others,
for precious unto each is the rhythm of his or her own growth.

Blessed are those parents who have learned to laugh,
for it is the music of the child’s world.

Blessed are those parents who understand the goodness of time,
for they make it not a sword that kills growth but a shield to guide their children.

Blessed are those parents who can say “no” without anger,
for comforting to the child is the security of a firm decision.

Blessed are those parents who treat their children consistently,
for this makes children secure.

Blessed are those parents who accept the awkwardness of their growing children,
letting each one grow at his or her own speed.

Blessed are those parents who are teachable,
for knowledge brings understanding, and understanding brings love.

Blessed are those parents who love their children in the midst of a hostile world,
for love is the greatest of all gifts.

Did you know that plants can actually sing?

I was awestruck as I watched this video! I couldn’t help but stare in wide-eyed wonder and had that familiar “rainbows bouncing in my heart” feeling when I come across such things! I feel like a child who has witnessed or discovered something for the very first time and it dissolves a little more: the veil of illusions we get so accustomed to as adults!

I mean, I knew about people who sang to their plants but who would imagine they would sing back! This beautiful video is a tiny glimpse into the real music of nature!

Gita Saar – Change is the Law of the Universe

The following is a translation of the Gita Saar: the Essence of the Bhagavad Gita. I have found it to be uplifting and inspirational every time I am in a chaotic situation, unsure of what to do or worried or fearful about anything. I feel as if I am being carried through on a chariot led by God through the darkness and chaos of the situation as is depicted in the picture below…

Why do you worry without cause?
Whom do you fear without reason?
Who can kill you?
The soul is neither born, nor does it die.

Whatever happened was for the good,
whatever is happening is for the good,
whatever will happen will be for the good as well.
Do not regret your past! Do not worry about the future!
The present is happening now…

What have you lost, that you are crying for?
What did you bring with you, that you have lost?
What have you produced, that has been destroyed?
You didn’t bring anything with you,
whatever you have taken, you have taken from here.
Whatever you have given, you have given here.
Whatever you’ve got, you’ve gotten from God.
Whatever you’ve given, you’ve given to God.

You came empty handed, that is how you shall leave.
Whatever you claim as yours today, belonged to someone else yesterday.
It will belong to yet another the day after tomorrow.
You are happily lost in this delusion of ownership!
This false happiness is the true cause of your sorrows!

Change is the Law of the Universe.

This body is not yours, nor are you of the body.
The body is composed of fire, water, air, earth and ether,
and to these elements, it will return and merge.
Those who know the support of God,
are forever free from fear, worry and sorrow!
So whatever you do, dedicate it to God!
This is how you shall experience eternally,
the divine joy of living your life as a liberated being!

Translated by: Über Alchemy.

From Wikipedia: The Bhagavad Gītā (Song of God), also more simply known as Gita, is a Sanatana Dharma or Hindu scripture produced from the colloquy given by Sri Krishna to Arjuna during the Kurukshetra War. Its philosophies and insights are intended to reach beyond the scope of religion and to humanity as a whole . It is at times referred to as the “manual for mankind” and has been highly praised by not only prominent Indians such as Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi but also Aldous Huxley, Albert Einstein, J. Robert Oppenheimer, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Carl Jung and Herman Hesse. It is considered among the most important texts in the history of literature and philosophy. The Bhagavad Gita comprises exactly 700 verses, and is a part of the Mahabharata. The teacher of the Bhagavad Gita is Lord Krishna, who is revered by Hindus as a manifestation of God (Parabrahman) Himself…

Selfishness, Selflessness and Oneness

Photo by Erica Marshall

Selflessness and selfishness are equally destructive. They both give too much importance to self and create separation. It doesn’t matter if you are only acting for yourself without thinking about others or if you are only acting for others without thinking about you, it is still exclusion. Exclusion of one or exclusion of others is the same, it may cause harm or discomfort or be in the favour of one or others. The whole concept of self and others is a construct of the ego. When the true nature of reality is realized and understood, selfishness and selflessness both vanish for how can one act out of any concept of self, when all there exists is Oneness. When there is no-self there are no others.
There is only the one and that is all!
~by Über Alchemy

Do It Anyway!

Image via Brave Girls Club
Article Inspiration by Divya

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may just never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it’s all between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.